These are the people in your neighborhood...

todd — Sun, 10 Jul 2005 11:18:00 -0400

The Emergency Backup Dog

AKA: New nuts downtown.

It's been mentioned before that the big benefit of living downtown is that all the weird people are here. It's still a bit unclear to me how they get here, or where they live because it's expensive, but somehow they manage. They aren't all homeless, so I presume they must be running startup companies somewhere. It would explain a few things.

Anyway, recently I've met two new ones and given them their nicknames. The Strutter, and The Crazy Dog Lady.

I've never spoken to the strutter, he's somewhat intimidating. Picture Robert Dinero, but homeless, putting on a suitcoat when he's angry.

Rinse, Repeat.

The Strutter does this *constantly*, except there is no jacket. He just walks around stretching out his arms and looking around very cool. Then he will (I'm not kidding) pose. Like, lean up against a lamp post and make his best photo shoot look.

Yesterday he had a quarter, that he would sort of bounce on the ground mid-pose. Then he'd pick it up and sort of toss it again. He's clearly looking for attention, but the scary part is that I don't think he's looking for the attention of people around him. It's like he's performing for himself.

Someday I'm going to talk to him.

The Crazy Dog Lady is an entirely different breed *ba dum ching!* of weirdo. She's not homeless, in fact, she's a neurologist in the navy.

CDL sits outside at the bar next to my apartment every....single....day with her two terrier type dogs. Like all crazy animal people, CDL prefers to keep animals with debilitating diseases. Her main dog is "Baby", and is completely blind.

Baby rides in a baby stroller.

Baby eats Gerber baby food.

Baby almost had a stroke yesterday because CDL had her wrapped up in a baby blanket in the sun, but I unwrapped the dog when she wasn't looking.

The other dog, ("emergency backup dog" as Dave Barry would say) is actually pretty cool, although CDL says he's got behavior issues. He didn't bite, bark, or jump on me while I ate a sandwich he clearly wanted.... So I'm gonna have to take the dogs side on this one. He's better adjusted than his owner.

The most disturbing part about CDL is that she is watching me. She is trying to figure out who I'm dating, and whenever I walk by with a woman she asks me 20 questions about her. (remember, she's *always* right next to my front door)

Yesterday she asked me how long I'd been dating the girl I'm with (who has asked me to never say her name on my blog again), and when I told her she said "Oh, it's nothing serious then, you'd know by now if she was the one".

Whatever, dog lady.

She seems very, strangely, curious about everything I do. She tells me when she doesn't like what I'm wearing (she didn't approve of the cowboy hat either), and always asks me questions about the last time she saw me walk by.

I'd say she was a stalker, but she never gets up. Plus, she was here first.

CDL has "pet insurance", which apparently costs between 3 and 5 HUNDRED DOLLARS PER YEAR. She seemed to think this was a good deal, and I refrained from mentioning that she could get a brand new dog every year for much less money. A dog that could see!

As it turns out, CDL was smarter than me. She really did need the insurance. Apparently Baby's hospital bill from the previous week was 5 thousand dollars. The bill was not for fixing the dogs sight either.

No joke, she told me that Baby had been "Hit by a drunk driver".

Now as a thinking man, I had a few questions about this story.

Why was the blind dog walking around downtown?

Why was the dog, much smaller than a car tire, still hyperventilating next to me in it's blanket in the hot sun?

Was it really a drunk driver? I mean, sure, it's possible... but cmon.

Picture it with me... the drunk guy slams down his last shot of 151 and goes on a tear around downtown San Diego, where you can't get above 25 miles an hour due to traffic. Dodging hundreds of blonde women with fake boobs, our perp careens around the corner at 25 mph, and doesn't notice the small, blind dog walking in the street, and very gently hits it with the car.

Yeah, that's one possibility.

I didn't really feel like continuing the conversation, so I unwrapped the hot dog (haha!) and left.

"These are the people in your neighborhood..." by 4rentinla

Thu, 06 Oct 2005 08:06:13 -0400

“she’s a neurologist in the navy”- LOL :))) you’ve made my day…

marti

"These are the people in your neighborhood..." by Anonymous City Girl

Sun, 10 Jul 2005 22:29:39 -0400

CDL is a nut ball… The cowboy hat and Bono sunglasses are wayyyyyyy hot.

"These are the people in your neighborhood..." by Todd

Sun, 10 Jul 2005 16:38:03 -0400

Actually I am pretty much an animal person. I don’t really have time for a dog right now but I play with other peoples :)

Still, I wouldn’t drop 5 grand on a blind dog. Sometimes, it’s time to go.

anonymous: Hey, most of my dates don’t last more than 2 months, so this is about as close to a keeper as I get ;)

"These are the people in your neighborhood..." by Anonymous

Sun, 10 Jul 2005 15:39:22 -0400

Dog lady is right you know. You would know by now.

"These are the people in your neighborhood..." by Maria Elisa

Sun, 10 Jul 2005 15:38:42 -0400