Posted by todd
Mon, 24 Jul 2006 03:32:00 GMT
This is the first in an….. at least one part series about business travel. There may be more unless I: A) Start dating someone causing a funny story. B) Get off my ass and try to make a video blog (I have very fancy new video software)… or C) Do nothing, because I’m a slack bastard.
Jet-setting.Sitting here, stranded, on the airport runway in Seattle it’s hard to imagine a more extravagant lifestyle than that of a frequent business traveler… What, with the “sexy stews”, and the wild hotel parties, it’s truly a wonder any of you settle down. The entire world should be floating around having mile-high orgies!!!
Unfortunately, the only stew here is the fat gay guy who really thinks I’m going to turn off my laptop just in case we actually get the clearance to take off.
Fool me once, shame on you.. Fool me twice… fuck you fat guy I’m not listening.
I admit, there is a stewardess, but she looks like she has been hanging out in a dual-action tanning bed/dehydrator. Austin Powers is going to be really upset.
At least I’m in first class, so they are plying me with red wine. Had they chosen scotch, I’d probably be arrested by now, or screwing the human hacky sack woman in one of her wrinkles….. I just barfed a little bit.
Either way… extravagant… that’s just the kind of guy I am.
Traveling isn’t always that glorious though. This morning, or should I say last night, I woke up at 4AM to get to the San Diego airport. Nothing good happens at 4AM unless it involves tequila and twins…or one girl and extra tequila… same thing really. This time, I was zero for two.. Or four, or… you get the picture.
You can’t really blame the airlines; they have a lot of moving parts and there are bound to be hiccups. Sometimes forget little things like dotting their I’s, or crossing their T’s, or THE FUCKING AIRPLANE. This is why they always offer you a shot for a dollar more.
So there I was, awake before I often go to bed, when they announce that oops… in the confusion it must have gotten lost in the couch cushion or something because there WAS NO PLANE and cancelled the flight.
Several rebookings later, I made my meeting in Seattle and turned around to come home...or apparently to drink wine and eat airplane food.
The Fat Gay Steward just gave me a bowl of hot nuts. That's how I'm going to explain flying from now on.
Posted in Travel | Tags airlines, airports, hot, nuts, seattle, sexy, stews, travel | 5 comments | no trackbacks
Posted by todd
Wed, 11 Jan 2006 13:43:00 GMT
Aaah Startup companies.... I'm back where I'm meant to be.
It's a pretty stressful place, we make no money (which you may not realize, IS important for companies to do). Basically my job to build something that we can sell to the mobile phone companies, before we run out of money...and do it while keeping up with a CEO who shows up asking for custom demo 1 hour before the client arrives (he didn't get it).
I wouldn't trade it for another "easy" job, unless I needed a nap, but there are some downsides.
Here they are:
1. I hate fat people on airplanes.
2. I hate kids on airplanes.
3. I *really* hate fat kids on airplanes.
I'd gladly pay an extra couple hundred bucks per trip if American would promise me that it would be only average sized people over age 15 aboard. Fifty bucks more if they capped it at 60 years old. There, I solved the airline bankruptcy problem.
So when Little Susie Sausage Legs sat behind me squealing like she had just caught the ho-ho truck, I was somewhat displeased. Her little brother was with her, and a mother, who was clearly just outnumbered. She actually told the stewardess "I'm glad we are back here, so they can be a bit more like kids". I think may have caught my thoughts on that plan when I looked at her.
But! Susie Sausage Legs was not one to be hushed. My trusty iPod saved the day though.
Jay-Z beats Susie any day.
Then, she started kicking the seat.
Then she started kicking my foot bar. AHA! Something I can react to. Wait for it... waaaait for it.... KICK! That little girl probably burned 75 calories she jumped so damn high. Nobody kicked my seat again after that.
After landing in Baltimore, I spent the rest of the night investigating male birth control. That trip preeeetty much closed the door on my wanting kids. I never wanted them, but people keep saying I will. Those people are wrong. Unfortunately, the only way for a guy to have more birth control than a rubber, is to get himself CUT! As they say in Raleigh, that dog won't hunt.
The internet swears that a male birth control pill is in final testing and should be around in a few years. SIGN ME UP!
Now, don't get me wrong, I don't hate kids normally. In fact, I'm really good with kids. Other peoples kids. I'm not sure I'll ever have them myself. I'm sure it's beautiful, and changes your life in great ways, and blah blah blah...
I'll be in Barcelona for a week in February, I'll consider having kids when they make a 2 week diaper. Till then, it's strictly things that use litter boxes.
-T
Posted in Travel | Tags airlines, baltimore, birth control, fat kids, kansas, travel | 9 comments | no trackbacks
