Bachelor apartment upgrade, with bonus geek parts!
Posted by todd Sat, 24 Sep 2005 14:43:00 GMT
The famous bachelor/writer P.J. O'Rourke summed up bachelor thinking when he wrote: "How often does a house need to be cleaned, anyway? As a general rule, once every girlfriend. After that she can get to know the real you.".
My place is *slightly* better than that, I clean it once a month or so. Like everyone else in my generation, I'm almost certainly ADHD.. so I *start* cleaning oh... every 30 minutes, but then I get distracted by the noise outside, or to get a drink of water, or to write these stories. So basically it never gets finished until one day I come home and have a panic attack, or can't find a place to sit. Then I throw things away until it's better.
Until now.
C'mon, I'm a busy guy. I don't have time for all this "sweeping", and "picking up". If I'm picking something up, it better have a nice ass. So what do you do?
You buy a roomba robotic vacuum cleaner, that's what you do.
I've named him Robert. (which is a joke very few of you will get, so don't worry.)
Robert is my new friend, and not only does he have my apartment looking freaking sweet, he has a remote control that I can chase the cat with. BONUS!!
Interestingly, having Robert has caused other things to be cleaner as well. Just like having weasels (ferrets, whatever), or kids (I presume), you can't just leave random stuff on the floor or it will get chewed up and eaten. So I had to pick up all the socks off the floor and hide the 86 miles of electronics wires that run everywhere. You could almost eat off the floor, if I had anything to eat here.
It's almost like having a roommate. It sits in it's room (the kitchen) until it gets enough energy to do something, and then it sort of stumbles around the apartment, bumping into walls, eating whatever it can get it's hands on. Once it's had enough of that and it's battery is drained, it crawls back to it's room and declares itself victorious (seriously.. It makes the duh duh duh duh!!! (charge!) noise.)
Ok.. having said that.. it's *exactly* like having a roommate.
There is only one downfall to this wonderful invention... It's only a matter of time until I destroy it. See, it's got little USB connectors on the side of it, and I've heard that you can hook it up to a computer and reprogram it. So, whenever I find the right cable, I'll kill it almost immediately.
Just like my roommate. *shriek!!!*
dude..that is the coolest thing ever.
i should get one. someone told me i should invest in a vacuum. :)
I can say with great certainty that it works on cat litter.
Presuming that there isn’t THAT much of it.
Oh my…that thing could greatly relieve the stress of packing for my move this Sunday!!
Considering the shit my 3 boys leave on the floor, I’d break the bitch for sure!!! BTW, bachelor’s aren’t the only ones with cleaning issues…whenenver my kids see me cleaning they say, “Who’s coming over, Mom?”
I love gadgets! Wait. That doesn’t sound quite right. Ah well … the robot cleaner thing-a-ma-bob sounds pretty cool and convenient. I’m not sure that it would be a good idea at my place because my dog is deaf and blind, but that sort of thing appeals to the clean freak in me (not to mention the geek in me).
Robert sounds terrific. I wish I had one……..
I could defiantly use one of those! My apartment only gets cleaned on two occasions A) when i am trying to impress or B) when someone chick just took my heart for ride in a blender!
Aww…poor men. I feel like I should start a charity for cleaning bachelor pads! I absolutly love cleaning, nothing makes me happier! Well okay some things do, but to clean is wonderful. I know it is a sickness that I will one day have to deal with, but for now, I have a spotless apartment at all times. This drives my boyfriend crazy sometimes!
Nah, I feel you dive_goddess. Cleaning helps me to assert control over a world gone mad. Law school requires so much brain work that I love coming home and going into auto pilot. Organizing and cleaning calm the inner bitch.
You are both welcome to come to my place and clean to your hearts content.
I’m an enabler, I know.
is that an invitation?
does it pick up edemame and oreo crumbs?
Only if I can take your cool robot for a spin…:)
Mary-that is it, calming the inner bitch! I love that, and plan on useing it when people complain about me cleaning! :)
Maria: Hrrrm, I’d have to clean up a bit first ;)
ACG: Unfortunately I’ve been Oreoless (that sounds vaguely dirty) for a while now. I’m on a health kick. Edamame… I have a feeling that would be, well, squishy.
dive_goddess: Now that would be funny!
does that mean no tequila?
I prefer scotch, but I’m easy! Straight liquor is ok… trying not to drink beer though.
Trying to not drink beer? You might as well get a manacure and a facial you sissy.
Scott: First off, shouldn’t you be nursing your baby or something?
Secondly, I drink scotch, and unlike certain people I know… I can do it without skateboarding into a parked car or decorating my furniture with permanent markers.
:)
Todd, are you referring to Scott or the baby in that last comment???
Well, I was trying to suggest that Scott had mammaries and should be lactating instead of bugging me :)
A mans man drinks scotch…in my humble opinion!
Todd, I know I’m behind the times, but just read your ‘deaf GF’ post and i’m still crying from laughter. You da man, babe! ;)
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